Holding on to it too tightly would be useless. Sharing it with everyone will increase its intensity.We were supposed to watch the ESKAPO 3 concert last night but due to the nasty weather [geez, thank you so much!], we decided to call it off. Instead we watched BEWITCHED. ******************
I could not ask for anything last night. But in all things, in the most unexpected time and day and person, it just happened.I have been waiting for it for soooo long. I cannot count how may times I think about it each day. Not even in my wildest dreams I thought it would happen, more like that it was from someone like you. Then again, life is full of surprises and you never fail to bring them to me. Blame it on me for thinking about it too often, that when it happened last night, there is not a tinge of excitement and joy, rather that of fear, and regret, and remorse. What in the world was he thinking and feeling? So thick and elusive his character and personality, comparable to that of an E. coli exhibiting thick and sturdy capsule, that even his family, the gram stain that could expose his existence[Well now, there is India ink, right?], could not figure out the things in his head. [Does he even have one? - ooopss! next line please.]Questions that are too many to answer.Questions that are to many that time would not be sufficient.Questions that surely won't have the right answers.Questions that would forever be unanswered.Those are the kind of things that should be forgotten. Hopes rendered for it be killed and phagocytosed by macrophages, only in the end they would stay as lipofuschin pigments that until you die, would stay with you.That kind of person will be with you, till you implement strict measures that even the host would feel the pain. Just like Pseudomonas that needs a 3rd generation cephalosphorin to be fully eradicated.You have ways, stares, and the warmth that ensures security and protection that creeps deep into me just as viruses striking their spikes deep enough to clinge with the proper receptor sites. As much as I try to envelope me with layers and layers of protection and resistance, I become more susceptible for you have the right enzymes to degrade the polyssacharides and proteins responsible for providing me protection and security.No matter how hard I try to say that I am over you, everytime I feel your presence, you let me succumb down to my knees and make me realize that I am not fully over you, rather, I am almost over you. Almost, but not quite.You bring me too much infection that the convalescent stage is no where near me. A resistant bacteria you become that even Vancomycin cannot cure.A resistant bacteriathat will cause my death.*********************
I am thinking of giving up skindiving*as if I am already in it* and concentrating on starting with my piano lessons. But I fear, aside from several disappointments from other people, feeling like a loser who never accomplishes anything no matter how hard she tries. I would always be this someone so useless, plain and mediocre person who poses as someone she is not. Just like I hate those who just throw away their life, I hate myself for being exactly the person I do not want to be.
SAVE ME FROM THIS NOTHING I BECOME.
Posted by krissy at 12:32 PM
