It is all in -the mess-.

Just when you thought all those extermely happy and worth keeping memories are the ones you can all count on. Think again.

Just when you thought you were happy and contented at last with just a mere memory of the distant past. Think again.

Just when you thought you were truly lucky and blessed for you have been given the chance to know and love the people around you. Think again.

Just when you thought that being kind and excessively understanding is enough. Think again.

Just when you thought that every word uttered came from the innermost corners of his heart. Think again.

Just when you thought that such a creature of beautiful and radiating character could not possibly partake of any evil, think again. There is evil even behind smiling eyes.

Very painful it is when a person whom you love dearly has consciously and deliberately deceived, manipulated, and used you, just to satisfy his personal and selfish desires. Every damn word and action ever done was nothing but a big fucking LIE. For almost half a year, I fell under his control. And yeah, sir Esguerra was totally right when he said that when we are in love, we become blind in seeing the other person’s mistakes.

How could I ever underestimate him? How did I ever believe in every lousy explanation he had? How come I did not read his actions right? Or maybe, I read it right, but refused to believe in them.

I just could not believe that everything could dissolve into nothing, after all those sacrifices. Is this the price I have to pay for loving too much? Or is this another round of proof that I am not worthy and capable of loving? Is this a way of telling me that I am not good enough and will always be? Am I too hard to be loved? Am I not a person worthy of such appreciation? You tell me.

After all the hurt and suffering I’ve been through, I was willing to forgive you, AGAIN. It is all because I love you too much. I was willing to do that without expecting anything. But you destroyed me down to my tiniest unit. You wrecked me. You crashed every foundation I built for us, just by telling me that you did not love me from the start until these last few months.

After successfully hurting me, you are telling me that you now love me and that it was not hard for someone like you to fall in love with me. DAMN IT! How wicked can you get? Oh, I forgot. You also wanted me to come back to you. That is how WICKED you can be.

As much as I want to be happy with you, I am so afraid of trusting in you again. There is a part of me that still want you, and another doesn’t. I am sorry because this will take time. I am just a human being, susceptible of being hurt and afraid. I may be able to forgive you and move on, but for now give me time to heal myself and be whole again.

I am frightened that the love I have for you may not be sufficient to kiss all these pain away.

I love you, goodbye.

Posted by krissy at 10:46 AM